Do you struggle to have a constructive conversation about money?
Do you feel like it’s rude to talk about?
And do you find that by not talking about it, it just makes money matters all the more confusing?
You are not alone!
Addressing money issues is so hard for a lot of people. And the main reason that people don’t talk about or avoid this topic at all costs is to do with shame. Money shame to be specific.
Money shame can surface at anytime and it happens to almost everyone. People that seem to have it all together financially can often be hiding their real situation because they feel so much shame and embarrassment.
So what is money shame exactly?
Money shame can surface when you find yourself falling into too much debt, when you’re spending has gotten out of control, and when you aren’t managing your finances the way you believe you should be. This can lead to self-criticism and self-disapproval.
You may get into the habit of exaggerating or lying about your money situation to hide the truth from others (and also from yourself!). But instead of helping you feel better, it will often make you feel much worse.
So how does money shame affect your financial behavior?
It’s all so easy to hide your bank statements, your credit card statements and your bills and pretend they aren’t there. It’s so easy to pretend that you aren’t under financial stress. But hiding only exacerbates the money shame. It will make your guilt and shame much worse.
Some people eat to numb themselves, make themselves feel better or distract themselves. Others shop. It’s that instant gratification that brightens your day. But this sort of spending – binge spending – will result in a pile of stuff we don’t want or need. And very often, along with this pile of stuff also comes a side order of shame and guilt.
A person who suffers from money shame will often discount their services or give their time and expertise away with no strategy attached. If you have money shame, then you tend to believe that you are not worth the money and that you are not worthy of being paid a fair price for your services.
“I am not good with money”, “I just don’t understand”, “my husband/wife/boyfriend/dad/business partner takes care of all this stuff”. Money shame will often have us making excuses to avoid having to deal with it. By palming it all off to someone else, it allows you to not have to face your shame.
But the only thing head buying, overspending, undercharging and excuse making does is to hold you back from achieving financial freedom and from meeting their money goals.
So how do you get rid of money shame?
You need to be honest.
You need to be aware of your relationship with money.
You need to understand your money story.
By healing your relationship with money and by forgiving your choices, mistakes or excuses from you past, you can start to heal.
By coming from a place of truth about your financial situation and being totally honest with yourself and those you love can you start to shed the money shame that has been plaguing you.
By committing to learn and gain control of your finances can you feel empowered. This is one of the best ways to overcome shame. When you become financially empowered you will be able to celebrate all the things you are doing right. Your new financial self-confidence will be the key ingredient to melting away your money shame!